Wednesday, April 28, 2010

PTSD -- post traumatic smell disorder

I was pawing through a messy drawer and found a tube of hand lotion and promptly squirted some onto my hands. (I cannot pass lotion or chapstick without partaking but it's a problem that doesn't hurt anybody and so I live with it.) Well. Pow. Apparently it was the stuff I was wearing about the time ex left me. One whiff and I was back in pre-loved hell. Smells do this to me. My grandmother had been gone for years when somebody in Macy's walked by me wearing her perfume, Emeraude, and I started crying. The smell of frying meat makes me depressed -- some sad memory of walking home from a friend's house on a Sunday night. And YSL's Paris makes me feel insecure and chubby since it was what I wore when I first got out of college and landed a job in advertising where I had no idea what I was doing and got fat from sitting all day. The paste, powder soap and chalk smell of my grade school, the carpet cleaner smell of the rehab facility where I spent a couple weeks, the sweaty leather scent of my old ballet school. Aaah! Smells trigger me.

I'm sure there must be smells that trigger happy things. I sniffed eucalyptus oil the whole time I was pregnant and excited about the baby. Narcissus, coffee, and cigarette smoke remind me of my grandparent's house at Christmas. Good times! And a whiff of Old Spice, Big Gun's deodorant, makes me all tingly.

Do smells do this to you?

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