I save old purse calendars.

This is why I don't have a smart phone. I keep my old pocket calendars to look back on. This day one year ago I had an appointment with ex at the marriage therapist and then hosted the tea for my son's school's book fair. It seemed so unemotional. Where were my messy interiors? I flipped back two months to the time he moved out. That month I had noted his mother's arrival and departure flight times (Yes! The month he decides to leave his marriage of 17 years is also the month he invites his mother to come stay for two weeks!), more therapist appointments, the first day of school, and then, the most telling detail, this is the month I started marking the weekends "NK" for no kids and "K" for kids. In my calendar I appear to move through the grief process and life changes like a German--efficiently and tidily. If only.