Oh bloggers, what you do to me.

I once heard the author Ethan Canin speak. He said the biggest mistake new writers make is thinking a good character is one who is perfect -- popular, attractive, athletic. Nobody wants to read about people like that he said; they want to read about characters who are flawed. I was a pudgy twenty-year old sitting in the back row. I agreed with him wholeheartedly. (Love me, Ethan, handsome doctor/writer! I'm as flawed as they come.) I still agree and yet, like some form of self flagellation -- an internet hair shirt -- I am drawn to the seemingly impeccable lives of bloggers like Faux Fuschia, The Glamouri, and Da Fashionista.


(Gratuitous photos from aforementioned blogs.)


 
If I'm feeling fat, poorly groomed, unemployed and my house is dirty, I turn to these online "friends" but they are not a salve for my soul; no, they make me feel even worse. They taunt my inadequacies and, like a good codependent, I allow them to. I listen to their tales about the outfits they wore and the parties they went to and the jobs they love and their fab husbands/boyfriends/friends. They appear to be naturally rich and thin. I hate them. And I keep going back for more.


Tiny handful of readers, doesn't my mess of a life make yours seem really good in comparison? Is that not what other people want? Maybe I have the personal blog all wrong. It's not our real lives, it's the lives we aspire to, the ones the photo stylists have already gussied up with fresh flowers and place settings. The dirty socks and cellulite are hidden. I'm afraid the personal blog may go the way of the fashion and home design magazines -- all cheerleader/jock glossy perfection. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed in myself that I lap it up, wishing and wanting something that probably doesn't even exist.


On a super, happy blogger note, I have a phone interview tomorrow!!! OMG! The Universe must have felt sorry for me after that last rant. (Must stop Eileen from spewing any more vitriol publicly. Throw her a bone, fer gawd's sake.)