"Your life is too empty--try our drugs."

This was the subject line of a spam in my mail box. I had to read it numerous times. My reactions went like this:

What?! How did they know?

My life is too empty. I wonder what kind of drugs they have?

WTF?

When they worked, I loved drugs, and smoking, and alcohol. Put them all together? Hoo boy. Party of one. The problem is they worked for such a short time. That elusive balance where everything was just right--not too full, or sloppy, or agitated--lasted minutes. Life is way too long to deal with that. Now I eat too much and have a closet full of shoes. I could probably wear a new pair every day for three months. (I'm going to go count.) No balance issues there.

Oh, and my other problem--I know things in relationship land must not be hunky dory because I've started that old problem about fantasizing about other men. It goes like this:

Sam (not his real name) is kind of cute. He probably wouldn't eat all the peanut butter and not tell me.

Fred (not his real name) is divorced and has a 9 to 5 job and probably eats dinner at a normal time and can go places on the weekend.

Cue my internal video of me and fantasy man attending art openings and walking through parks holding hands and making dinners together. The light is golden and fuzzy and I am very thin and wearing really nice shoes.

I got myself to a meeting last night. The alcoholism is gone, but the crazy lingers.