Tore up.

I love Big Guns. But I just had a nice visit with ex and I made him laugh and I still get a thrill making him laugh. It was a mind-fucking moment. For a second I felt torn between two lovers (sing with me), feeling like a fool...
However, my loyalties have shifted, seismically I might add, toward Big Guns. When I had my daily ponder/fantasy/nightmare about if I'd go back to ex if he wanted me, my first thought was about how it would hurt BG and I was horrified -- I don't want to hurt him. I never thought I would have feelings of deep loyal Labrador love for a man again but there they are. Oh life. It goes on.