More collateral divorce damage.

Ex's mother is not well. She fell at her home last week and was unconscious and alone for a day before her friend found her. She's in the hospital now but has decided to be go into hospice as opposed to nursing care. I admire her courage but I feel sad.
I haven't called or written her since ex left. She's the kindest, most repressed woman you'd ever meet and it's hard to imagine being angry with her but ex was and, by extension, I was, too because so many of the things ex struggled with he inherited from her. I know it's not very nice that we held her responsible. What can I say? We both have a ways to go still. 
Ack! It's more divorce fallout -- what do you do with your ex family members? I lost my former sister-in-law in ex's brother's divorce. I remember wanting to keep her and let the brother go. These are not choices we get to make.
The boys are in Colorado with ex and his gf to say goodbye to their grandma. It's hard not to feel that I should be there but that's not my place anymore. I will call ex mother-in-law this week because I think that would be the right thing to do. I don't know what I'm going to say yet. I hope something comes to me.