Now that I seem to be going down the other side of the mountain of pain that is divorce, I've been thinking about whether it's worth it or not. What price divorce?
Pros
Walk away from the problem that is your ex
Not having to spend the rest of your life with an extremely depressed, sullen person
Have the whole bed to yourself
Two child-free weekends a month
Popcorn for dinner
Cons
Have to give half of everything to the man who's divorcing you: house, 401K, savings, children
Children have the stigma of coming from a broken home
Must go back to work in the worst economy EVER
Chosen career is full of people young enough to have come from your womb
Must dye hair and get Botox to fit in
Dating
One year of active pain and bursting into tears at inappropriate times
Another year of chronic, low-level pain
Temporary loss of sense of humor
Feeling like a victim
Feeling guilty
Feeling unlovable
Ben Franklin would say divorce is not a good decision. Am I that much happier all things and losses considered. Not really. Ex will have to speak for himself. However, I was forced to use his bathroom when I went to pick up Mario at his apartment the other day. (Mario said his toilet was not working.) On the counter, unavoidable and glaring, was a bottle of antidepressants, those same pills ex refused to take even against his doctor's wishes. This muddies things; if he's happier divorced from me, it's a chemical thing.
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oh, divorce. it truly hurts. for a while. but what i think is a greater hassle is trying to force something to work that simply won't. these days it's too difficult to stick it out. too much stress. too much everything. i think the most we can hope for is to find peace and acceptance with whatever is. doesn't mean we have to like it, but accepting it sure helps ease the tug of war in our soul. sending lots of love.
ReplyDeleteI love your thoughts and humor through this trying time. I've been there, it gets better. I love your writing. keep your chin up (that's what my mother used to say) I am turning into her slowly but surely.
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