Bad neighborhood but the rent is cheap.

As a freelancer, every new gig brings on the anxiety of the first day at a new school. It helps if you know somebody at the place, which has usually been the case for me, but not today. I start a new gig at a big company where I know not a soul except the nice woman I interviewed with. I've lost more sleep and hours worrying about this gig than the length of it---2.5 weeks. I'd like to be able to jump forward in time when I'm leaving a happy client and there is a check in my hand.

Speaking of anxiety, I spent the weekend alone and in my head, always dangerous. Well, that's not completely true, I turned on the  radio long enough to hear a guy talking about cults. I checked out his site and found myself deeply mired in reading about cultic behaviors and various organizations considered by some to be cults including the Forum/EST (duh) and AA (what?), including this man's site.

I have heard AA called a cult before and agree that some groups are more zealoty than others. There are big book thumpers and 12 steppers and hard liners. Frankly, the founders of AA were a bunch of entitled,  narcissistic, sick, white men mother fuckers. Apparently a lot of AA's principles came from the Oxford Group, founded by a latent homosexual/former Lutheran minister asshole who was quite pleased with himself and stayed in very nice hotels on other people's dimes.

Do these facts make the group any less effective? Can we escape the taint of Bill, et al.?

I have a problem seeing Bill W's picture hanging on the wall of meeting rooms, as if he's some kind of savior. (And where did the anonymous part go?) I also have a problem listening to people share in meetings, the ones who thank their "higher power who they choose to call God," who attribute anything and everything, from their life to this morning's toast, to God. It's the hyperbole that bothers me. All the group does is help people find ways to manage the struggles associated with being human in ways other than with drugs and alcohol. Period. It is not a religion. I hope it's not a cult because, frankly, I (and maybe other vulnerable fuck ups like me) am ripe for somebody to come along and tell me how to live. You bet if the right person came along, one who didn't look like Bill W. but more like Pema Chodron, and offered me a plan for guaranteed happiness and relief from anxiety and myself, I'd attached myself to her barnacle style. If only.