Danger signs your relationship is a risk of affairs. (Or just don't marry a guy who works in Silicon Valley.)

This is from Mira Kirshenbaum, a relationship expert and author of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay and Women and Love. I'm reposting an excerpt from her blog. She is being interviewed about how to tell if your partner is cheating.

Mira: Here are the three big, real danger signs that your relationship is at risk of one of you having an affair.

1) Things aren’t good between you. The two of you are distant, disconnected, fighting, not making love as often as you used to, and not having fun when you are together.

2) You’re leading very separate lives. You’re not spending much of your free time together.

3) Even if you’re not fighting and even if you are spending time together, if you start having the feeling that your guy just doesn’t care about you that much any more, that there’s a ‘whatever’ quality to how he treats you, then there’s a real risk that he is having an affair. (Note here she uses the masculine assuming the man will be the one out trying new ice cream flavors while the long-suffering woman sits home wondering what's wrong with her. Mira's a bit sexist, no?)

Why was I reading this? Slow morning at work. Ex did not cheat on me with another woman. He's not wired that way. He's too noble, has too much integrity and he's way too shy. However, #3 still rang true for me. Ex cheated on me with his job. (And this socially sanctioned; when I mentioned how much he worked, our marriage therapist said "that's how you get all that nice shit you have" -- or something like that.) He was mute and distracted and up all night in the other room typing away on his hot, little laptop. He claims to have hated it. He hated it so much he couldn't talk about it. I still don't really know what he does. More on this topic tomorrow after my computer gets fixed. Typing without a functioning track pad is painful. It turns out I'm the one without any integrity.